Why rush?

I am 39 1/2 weeks pregnant. My "due date" is on Sunday. My body is preparing. I have felt in labor a few times this past week but it always stopped and I know it's just my body getting ready.

My Doctor, or the doctor (I don't claim her as mine because I cannot stand her) wants to start non-stress tests at 40 weeks 1 day and she wants to do a ultrasound that day as well. She also wants to strip my membranes.
It is ridiculous. Going over your due date by one day is NOT a emergency!
I am canceling my appointment and making one for 41 weeks 1 day, if I am still pregnant I will do the non-stress test that day. But I won't do a ultrasound. $700 dollars for something that isn't needed that probably is bad for me and the baby is just stupid.

This pregnancy has gone so good. I have stayed pretty calm and have stayed really healthy. I had some swelling but that went away with a high protein diet (my dr. wanted me on strict bed rest and only getting up to pee and shower and eat, even though I'm 39 weeks and the only symptom I had was swelling she assumed I have preeclamcia...).
I still feel great. I am big, but it doesn't bother me or effect most of what I do daily. I wouldn't have a problem going 42 weeks at all if that is what the baby needs.

Tonight is a full moon. A lot of people think babies are born on full moons. My mom had her first baby on a full moon and that night there were 43 other women in labor. Obviously the baby has to be ready, but maybe tonight is the night, either way I am happy. Everyone says the last few weeks/days are the hardest. I have had a few hard days where I got so anxious and just wanted the baby to be here already. But for the most part I'm not in a hurry.
I will miss this. The kicks and just knowing there is life inside of me. The baby is as close to me as he ever will be. I am going to enjoy it while it lasts!
And while I am enjoying these last few days, I look forward to the day he is in our arms :).

Jacob or Emily, come when you are ready, I am ready for you:).

Birthday's

Today is my husband's birthday.

I am so blessed to have him in my life. I thank God daily for him and today is the day he was born, 20 years ago and that is something worth celebrating!

Birthday's scare me. They make me wonder "How many more does this person have?". They really make me appreciate that person and count all my blessings.

In just a few days there will be another Birthday to celebrate... Our babies birthday. So exciting and nerve wracking at the same time! This pregnancy has gone by so fast, now I need to get it through my head that in just a few short days our lives will be changed by such a wonderful life...A little precious baby that we love so much already. I get happy tears just thinking about it!

Okay, I need to get things done! I am making Kendell his favorite meal, Sesame Chicken. And I am putting up some birthday things and cleaning and cooking chili for my parent's because they are coming for dinner.

Happy Birthday Kendell! I love you. So much..

A new neighbor and sharing food!

We have another new neighbor. And he is 100000 times better than all the old neighbors! He is quiet, doesn't have friend's over other than one and he is Kendell's friend.

But the most exciting thing for me is, I get to share food with him! Everyone knows how picky Kendell is. He rarely eats any of the dishes that I LOVE so I always end up not making what I like or making too much. Which is fine but I'd much rather share my food with someone who enjoys it.

The first night he moved in I had made chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes and gravy with corn and him and the guys helping him move were begging Kendell to bring some out because they smelled it ahaha.
So last night we brought some of my Chicken Enchilada's over to him and he loved them.

I know it may not seem like a big deal, but to share my cooking with someone who likes it is a big deal. To be able to help someone out whether it's with food or whatever is really exciting to me.

So thankful to have a quiet neighbor, who is a friend to my husband.

That is all for now :)

Lets be Honest.

So I am on a weight loss, get healthy journey. Yes I am 35 weeks pregnant so losing weight right now isn't the goal. Starting new habits and losing old ones is goal.

I am having a hard time. I have always been the type that is 100% motivated, or not motivated at all. So far, I'm not motivated. I tell myself "I will do better tomorrow", "I will eat less tomorrow". Everything is tomorrow. But it needs to be today. My goal this week is to make tomorrow today.

I have cut out all fast food. Really really glad. But that isn't good enough. I need to cut out more of the processed food. I'd like to cut out more starchy foods because that is where my weight comes from. And sugar too.

I also need to be more motivated about exercise. I thought getting a treadmill would be the "magical" push and weight loss for me, but walking and walking and walking just gets old fast. So, we got a wii from my cousin and it has some awesome exercise stuff on the game I got. And that is cool. But I don't feel like it's a workout at all.
My arms have blown up since I got pregnant so I've been doing weights. Works great! I feel the muscles being worked, I feel sore the next day. That is what I need to motivate me! I need to feel it working.
Hopefully with the treadmill, the weights, and the wii I will be able to feel something.

I really would like to buy a hoop. I don't think I could do tricks and stuff but the idea of listening to music and hooping to it just makes me happy! Whenever I hear music I picture people hooping. I need to get one...

I need to constantly remind myself that bad food is more weight and that less exercise is more weight. I NEED to get 100% motivated. I need to feel good about myself.

God, help me do this like I have before!

My Little Brother.

My little brother Adam is 17 today! Time has flown by SO quickly... It makes me sad that he is almost a man already! Just yesterday he was a sweet little blonde haired cutie pie! And now he is a 6'1 working young man! So bitter sweet.

Adam and I were never close when we were little. He was my brother and sister's buddy and I was the "spoiled fat brat" that never fit in.

Once they moved away Adam and I started to bond. He went with me on all my "dates" and he tagged along when I went to the movies with my best friend and he was just a good kid to hang out with.

Once he turned 15 and became interested in girls I really tried to help guide him in the right direction, that kind of made him angry :).

After he had made some mistakes he repented and decided it was time to live for Christ. What a grown up decision!

He moved to Montana almost a year ago, and even though I miss him dearly it has done wonders for him! He has grown in so many areas of his life. He is learning responsibility and he is doing school and gets to work and be around Godly influences and has good friends and family surrounding him.

I am so happy for him and I thank God for giving him this new way of life. I pray he has many many more years to do great things ahead of him!

I am very proud of my little brother :).

Happy Birthday Adam. You are the best little brother I could ask for! I love you!

God's plans.

It is 5:45 am, Kendell left a few minutes ago for work and even though I was up until 1 am for some reason, I cannot sleep! So, I will blog and then try once again to fall asleep and hopefully sleep until 10 so that I am not over exhausted all day!


God has been opening and closing doors for us a lot lately. Showing us new opportunity and really speaking to us.

As you know I had felt God was leading us to Montana but Kendell had no thoughts or desires to even consider it because he knows nothing about it and has never been there or anything.
So I just prayed that if God wanted us there he would show Kendell and I stopped worrying about it. A few weeks later Kendell comes home one day and just randomly says "I think God wants us in Montana". That just blew my mind. Realizing God can speak to anyone and lay it on someone's heart to do something when they had no intention or thoughts about it just amazes me.



Since that day we have constantly prayed about it and have people praying with us and we feel confident it is what God wants and so we are working towards getting there.
Things are falling into place.

We need a new car, badly. Our car is so awesome, we got it for 600 dollars and it has lasted almost 2 years now and we have put very little money into it. We love our car. But it is old and rough and needs more work than it is worth now and it just isn't reliable for what we need now.

We will have half of the money we need for a car saved up by April, May at the latest. I was going to ask my Grandpa for a small loan for the rest. I am sure most people hate borrowing money, I really hate borrowing money and I really hate asking my Grandpa for money.
So I was discussing with my cousin what our plans are (he and i have grown fairly close in the last 5 months) and he says "Oh in a few months I will have the money for you to borrow, interest free (I talked him into low interest because I really want him to benefit off of this at least a little) for the amount of time you need". I was shocked! He is young, just starting out on his own, getting ready for college. But he sees it as his savings and he says it would be just like having it sit in the bank. So, God opened that door and now we have a way to get a car.


Now we have another opportunity and possibly another door opening.
Kendell applied for Walmart last year, but he didn't want the job and failed the physical so that just didn't work out nor did we feel it was supposed to. We really believe the pig farm was God's plan, it has helped in more ways than money.
But a job is a job and this one isn't supposed to be forever.
We talked to my cousin about walmart and Kendell would be making almost double what he is making now working at the pig farm.
We don't want to live in Cheyenne, but this just feels like a opportunity to save more money, faster, to get to Montana sooner and with enough money to start out well up there.
So now we are praying about this. Considering the pro's and con's. Seeing how much we would save, seeing how long we would stay in Cheyenne.

I am excited for all the opportunities God is giving us and I pray he keeps making his will for our life clear to us, and that we keep our eyes towards him through all of this so that we can make the right decisions.

Stretch Marks.

Ever since I was 8 or 9 I have had stretch marks. They are passed down from my dad's side of the family and even as skinny as he has always been he has them.

I have always hated them. Thought they were gross and not normal. I would envy other girl's my age that had none.

I have stretch marks on my back, hips, knees, legs, boobs, belly, arms.

Since I am pregnant I have lots more.

The other day they were really bothering me, I never had any on my belly until I got pregnant and I was complaining to my husband about women I see who have none that are full term pregnant or just as pregnant as me.
I expected him to just kiss my belly and tell me it's okay and that I'm beautiful and lots of women have stretch marks. A good answer that makes me feel like he loves me, but doesn't help me love myself.

Instead he did that and then told me to think of it as my family tree. He said "Think of them as a family tree, they look like the beginning of a family tree :)".
That really helped me. After I showered this morning I looked in the mirror and saw my "family tree" and I felt good about it! These aren't just stretch marks like all the rest, they aren't from getting fat, they are from growing a child inside of me!
They are a reminder of everything I have been through during the pregnancy from the kicks to the emotions to the heartburn and I am glad I have this reminder.



Side view of my belly, 33 weeks.

Day one.

I got my treadmill on Sunday, and today is day one of my exercising.

It's a manual treadmill and it is WAY harder to walk on then a normal treadmill! I get a workout after 5 minutes!

Because I am so out of shape I am taking it slow, gonna start doing 1 mile a day. It's hard to go over 2 MPH on this treadmill and my average is 1.5, so it takes awhile to do a mile. I am doing 1 mile a day, 5 minutes here 5 minutes there in between cleaning, cooking etc. Right now I couldn't do a whole mile at once.

I have lots of braxton hicks when I walk so it really takes my breath away ahaha...

I measured my thighs, calves, arms, and hips today. I will measure them once a month to see what progress I've made (after I have the baby I will measure my waist too). It was very depressing seeing how big I am with a measuring tape. But, I keep reminding myself that is changing now and that helps.

So, here is day one of a long, hard, journey.

Baby names.

We finally have our baby names picked out. We have had a boy name picked for months now but we never found a girl named and stuck with it. We had 4-5 we liked but didn't know what one was right.

Last night I finally knew what name was perfect. And Kendell likes it too :).

For a boy his name will be Jacob Lee Kilgore. We love the name Jacob and Lee is a middle name of Kendell's grandma who passed away, he was very close with her.

For a girl her name will be Emily Elizabeth Kilgore. We love Emily and Elizabeth is the middle name of my Nana who also passed away, I too was very close with her.

I am so excited to have the names picked out!

We still feel the baby will be a boy, if he comes out a she we will be so surprised but not any less happy :).

Both the names are so cute I want to use them both! Ahaha.

Counting My Blessings.

For the last month or so I have been pretty down about everything. But today I was thinking wondering why I am so down when I have so much to be happy about!

We live in a not so great apartment, but since the old neighbors moved out it hasn't been bad. There are things we need like washer/dryer hook ups and bigger bedrooms and basement apartments kinda suck. But, it's a lot better than nothing and I actually don't mind it. We have no furniture of our own other than a dresser and a couple end tables and this place is furnished and that is nice. Our new neighbor is super quiet, he is either gone, or sleeping so I never hear him or anything. We can't move this month (nothing came up in the paper so we have to wait until next month so we don't waste rent money) and I think I am okay with that :).

I have been down about some issues in my marriage, but slowly they are getting better. With communication and lots of love we get things worked out.

We need a new car, but I am done worrying about that. We can't afford one now and worrying about it does no good. God WILL provide when this one no longer runs.

We have been making enough money to pay off Dr. bills as they come in which is super nice, soon I will have weekly appointments and then we will fall behind but not enough to make a huge difference.

I started a new "schedule" for myself, with being pregnant and not sleeping much lately things were getting out of hand and I needed a daily list to motivate me into getting things done, so far so good. It's amazing what 10 minutes a day on each room can do!

I bought a treadmill, finally. After saving a quarter here and a dollar there for about 3 months, we finally had enough. It is a manual treadmill and though they don't work as good as a high quality expensive one, I am excited to start walking :). I love walking and it's so good for pregnancy, it's so good period.

I also got a awesome diet book called "love in a diet" and it's really good. It will definitely be motivating and encouraging on my journey to get back into shape after the baby is here.

This year my husband and I decided we were tired of wasting so much money on fast food and eating such bad food so we decided we aren't going to get fast food this year (very very huge challenge for us). So far we have gone 2 weeks without any! That is huge for us, usually we'd go out once a week at least. We save SO much by not going out. In place of fast food we have "pizza night" where we buy all the pizza ingredients and make pizza (or some other food that sounds really good at the time) :) it's so good and so worth not going out to eat!

So far, this year is going amazing. Probably because I am taking it 1 day at a time instead of worrying about tomorrow! So lets just say, Today is a great day, and Tomorrow will be too!

I have a great husband, a wonderful pregnancy, a roof over my head, great food in my belly, and a God that loves me, no matter what:).

Feel like writing. Don't what to write about...

Lately things have been rough. There are issues in my marriage and issues in my life that really bother me and no matter what I do... they can't be fixed by me.

New neighbors moved in next to us today. I haven't met them yet but I think it's 2 men and that makes me uncomfortable because I am home alone all day, with a door that doesn't close or lock right, with no protection and windows that open easily.
I know I shouldn't just assume they are weirdo's, but I have always been in a way afraid of men.

I have been sexually abused. I have been used by men. And for some reason I can't get over it and instead of it making me stronger, I fear the opposite sex.
I won't be alone with a man. I won't ride in a car with any men (other than family).
Even when my best friend and her husband visit, if she leaves the room for 5 minutes I feel anxiety.

There are very few men I feel comfortable around. I want to feel comfortable around all different kinds of people. I want to feel confident and in control.

I won't discuss the issues in my marriage, but it's not getting better and I am so hurt.

We need to move in the next 10 days, but nothing NOTHING has come up for rent. I am trying so hard to trust that God has it under control but it's hard when this town has never had anything decent for rent at a good price...

We need a new car. Our car really isn't safe for my husband to drive back and forth to work, or for me, and especially not safe for a baby. But, all of the tax money we were getting we are no longer getting so a new car is nowhere in our near future unless God has a miracle. Which he does.... I know this but sometimes I just can't help being negative.

My husband is working 6 days a week again, to make some extra money for Dr. bills. Maybe it's necessary, but I know it doesn't help the things in our marriage and our marriage should come first.

Well.. Now that I am in tears, and more depressed than before.
I am ready for my emotions to calm down and be back to how they are supposed to be.

2012. Happy New Year!

Every new year I like to write a list of things I would like to do, or not to do, or continue doing. Usually I lose the paper saying what I wanted that year so usually I'm never disappointed.

This year, first of all I would like to have a good pregnancy the next 10-12 weeks and give birth to a healthy happy baby.


This year I would like to love myself, inside and out.
I would like to get healthy and fit after I have the baby but either way, I want to love myself when I look in the mirror.

I would like to meet a new friend, who lives in my town and has things in common with me (kids, someone who loves Jesus as much as me, who is married, who shares the same opinions and beliefs as me), at least someone who has a baby or babies.

I would like to become more social, I am afraid to even go out my door in this town without someone with me. I would like to walk around and not be worried.

I would like to get a new car, We NEED a new car...

I would like to move to a house that is good for us, with what we need and want where we can be happy and not have terrible neighbors.

I would like to figure out where we would like to move and what we would like to do business wise.

I would like to stop going to fast food places for good, and never go again.

I would like Kendell to continue losing weight and get healthy.

I would like Him to quit smoking...

I would like to be a great mom.

I would like to spend my time more wisely. I would like more energy to do things!

My mind is blank, but there is a lot of things I am going to try to do :).

Emotional.

For the past month or longer my emotions have been extremely high.

I am not usually this emotional, I'm a emotional person but the new emotional roller coaster I'm on is far worse than it has ever been. I know it's because I am pregnant but I wish I could at least control it!

One minute I will be happy and the next minute I'm hysterically crying about every little thing that has bothered me in the past 2 years! It's insane.

I also have bad or good days. Usually the moment I wake up I can tell if it's going to be a good or bad day. I would rather not wake up on the bad days. I never have had issues getting over something, if I felt negative that day I could turn on music or talk to God or do something and my day would get better. But now it's not like that and I'm stuck here miserable not knowing what to do!

I have at least 8 weeks left in the pregnancy, 8-12 weeks because I could go into labor at 38 weeks or at 42 weeks and it would still be a safe birth.
I am enjoying being pregnant but I am ready to have the baby, see his/her beautiful face!

So far the pregnancy has been amazing. Nothing has gone wrong and everything that isn't "perfect" aren't really bad.
The worst that has happened so far is I get such bad heartburn that I can't sleep without throwing up, my emotions, and my sciatica. And those are all mild compared to what it could be like!

I am so thankful God has made this pregnancy so good.

Now, here is to trying to control my emotions the next couple months!

Very anxious and waiting.

So we have been praying about moving for a few weeks now. We didn't plan on moving until January or February. But yesterday there was a add in the paper for a house that matched our wants and needs, so we checked it out.
It is right in our price range and exactly what we need (2 bedroom, laundry hook ups, house not apartment, private driveway and privacy fence on one side, trees, little yard, in a nice area away from main streets and close to park).

Because it's such a quick decision and we want to make sure it is what God wants we told the owner that we will call him tonight to meet with him to pay first months rent.
Our prayer is that if God doesn't want us to have it, it will be taken by tonight (the owner already had 2 other people who wanted it and said it's first come first serve).
Part of me is hoping it's taken because it will really suck to have to pack this whole house in such short notice. And we just paid rent here so we might not get any of that back.
But part of me knows this kind of place may not open up again for us. So I am definitely trusting God and letting him decide.

I hope whatever happens is good!

My trust is in the Lord, NOT in money.

Lately money has been tight. Not for bills or for small things. This year we were even able to do Christmas with presents so it's not like we are broke.
But when it comes to needing to move and needing a new car, money is very tight.

We had planned on getting a new car with our tax return. Our tax return was going to be around 1500 and we have found cars we like in that price range. But, Obama screwed us again and changed the earned income credit rules so that only people 25-65 can claim it, so our tax return went from 1500 to 600.
So, unfortunately it's looking like no new car. God really would have to perform a miracle for us to come up with the money for a car. But instead of praying for money, I am just praying he provides us with a new car before ours dies (hopefully ours lasts longer than we think it will).

God has answered our prayer about moving, or part of our prayer. He made it possible financially to move. My parents will loan us moving money and we will pay them back with our tax return or we will wait until we get our tax return to move (depending on when the right place for us opens up).

Now we just wait for the right place to open up. We made a list this time of what we want and what deal breakers there will be. We can't settle for crap again. I am no longer worried about this, God has given me peace and confidence in him.

It is so hard for me to trust God sometimes when our life is run off of money. I wish we didn't have to depend so much on cash. It really bothers me. Everything we do is money based, rent, gas, insurance, cell phones, internet, food, everything is about money. God has shown me lately that right now money is his way of providing though so I am able to look at it a different way now.

So, here I go, trying my best to trust in the Lord, no matter how bad things look or how little money we have.
He is our provider and he always has and always will provide.

Merry Christmas!

I have never been a big Christmas person, my parents and my whole family was never really into it. Jesus wasn't really born on this day so my family never really celebrated it as that day. We would have a Christmas dinner and give gifts sometimes and I remember doing stockings but we were always reminded that this day wasn't Jesus' birthday but that we still should be thankful to him for all that we have and celebrate him today along with every other day.

Last night we had Christmas eve dinner with my parent's and stayed the night with them. We left early this morning because Kendell had to go into work for a few hours.
I was very upset that he not only had to go in on his day off, but on Christmas as well. God was so kind to let him be able to come home without even having to work so we got to spend the whole day together :).

We did a large Christmas this year compared to last year.
We had a lot of money to spend last month and this month. I thank God for that because I got a lot of things I needed, and a lot of things I wanted and so did Kendell.
Usually I hate buying or being given things I don't absolutely need. But this year Kendell told me I needed to get some things without feeling guilty because sometimes it is good to be given things and be "spoiled" a bit.

So, he got me both the Duggar books, which I absolutely love! And I got a natural mineral make up set that works great (I love the natural look). Those were the bigger items. He also got me a awesome Meditation fountain that looks and sounds so refreshing.
He got me a really cute chest that I can put my belongings in, A insulated cup with a lid and straw for night time (I drink a lot at night and wanted one so I don't spill water everywhere). and then all my stocking stuff.
Candles, nail polish, nail buffer, lots of candy and chocolate.

I also got maternity clothes and a new phone from my sister and a hat and food from my parents.

I was very over spoiled this year!

I was able to get (well actually he was able to get himself, because he is the money maker, but he says I got them for him) Kendell 3 ds games he really wanted, 2 books, a camo set of coffee mugs he wanted, a really cool mini size bible, and all of his stocking stuff which included 2 mini figures he collects, a ipod card, a cool duct tape wallet, and lots of candy.

We both were very blessed to have all of this and we are so grateful God made it possible.

The biggest blessing is the child I am carrying, what a miracle. I am 29 weeks pregnant today... So crazy that this precious life could be here in 11 weeks or less! Man, we are so blessed.

Today I was very over emotional, the last month has been a roller coaster of emotions and today ended up being a very emotional one. I ended up crying multiple times for no reason and made a big deal out of little things. But Kendell and I talked and it really helped and now I feel "stable" again.
Pregnancy has made me such an emotional person and it's so insane sometimes! I can't decide if I love or hate it ahaha.

Anyway, I am rambling so I will end this here :).
Merry Christmas Everyone!

Our Apartment.

Our living situation has been really bad the last year.
First we lived in a nice apartment with no problems, but our neighbor kept causing problems and our other neighbor was a drug dealer and before we really thought or prayed about it we decided to move out to my brother's unfinished, unlivable home for the summer.

That was a nightmare, we didn't have water, stove, electricity. We had nothing and we spent every extra cent on gas for work. So we moved back to town, into the same apartment building as before but in a different apartment so we wouldn't have to deal with the bad neighbor.

Well, our Landlord's daughter ended up moving into the apartment next to us and had parties everyday and all night. It was such a nightmare and we had so many issues with them. From climbing in our window to walking in our door to starting fights in the hallway about meth.
They finally moved to a different building but it's right behind us and we still deal with them coming to their old apartment for no good reason, and hearing them drive around all night and yelling and screaming all the time.

Now we are having issues with our apartment. Our apartment is not up to date, at all. The wiring isn't grounded, we have blown our stereo, One of our cell phones and who knows what else is next.
The building is really old and has no escape window (were in the basement) so once I'm 7 or 8 months pregnant I wouldn't be able to get out if there was a fire.

Now we are having issues with the sewer. It always smells like sewer in the hallway and on windy or cold days it comes in our house. And today the Landlord was working on the other apartments pipes and now it smells so bad in here I literally can't breathe. I don't know if I'm having trouble breathing because of methane gas from the sewer or if it's because I've been trying to hold my breath. Either way it's not good for me or the baby. So Kendell and I either have to stay in our Landlord's motel for the night or go stay with my parents. Either way it's inconvenient and stressing me out.

We want to move but every other place requires a deposit, utilities, and first months rent. This place was easy to get into because it's no deposit, no utilities. you pay 500 and your in. We can't come up with 1000 or more and it's so discouraging and depressing.

God, please help us come up with the money somehow and move before we have a baby. This is no place for anyone especially a newborn baby.
I am doubtful because I know in reality we can't come up with the money, but I also know you are full of miracles and surprises so I am keeping as much faith as I can.

I hate everything about the medical industry!

I am going to a Dr. for all my prenatal care.
I have no insurance so I pay for everything in cash/check.

I paid $100 of my last Dr. Appt. And told the lady to send me my bills because I have no insurance and want to pay off my prenatal appointments as we go instead of just getting a huge bill after the birth and she said okay.

It's been 2 weeks and no bill, so I called the office and the lady said they won't send bills because they only charge after the birth and she told me they have no idea how much my bill is right now. I paid $100 but they have no idea how much I owe?
Did they even take that amount off my bill? I doubt it.

I also paid $50 the day of my blood work and when they sent my bill it didn't say minus $50, they didn't give me a receipt and they didn't send a receipt for the bill we just paid either.

I am so mad at the whole system they run! I am mad that to get weighed, my belly measured and my blood pressure taken I am paying 75-100 each time.
I am mad that I had to do stupid std tests even though I told my dr. I did not want or need them.

I am just mad.
After this baby I am doing all of my own prenatal care and forgetting dr's.

Dr's are good for broken bones and a few other things. Not for birth. Why does this stupid state have to be against midwives?!??!

Ahhhh!

Skye.

This was our bird Skye. For no apparent reason she died while we were sleeping last night just hours after we got her home.

My husband wanted a bird so bad, we spent a lot of money on all the bird items and the cage etc. and he is so upset.

He feels we did something wrong, and I am confident that we didn't. I have read up on why parakeets die and have found some things that it could have been.

The bird had clipped wings and couldn't climb well and couldn't fly at all. She fell a couple times when we were watching her and she could have fell and broke her neck or other body parts.

Another serious scary thing is birds die from carbon monoxide so now I am worried we have some in our home because our heater was never checked out before we moved in, so now we have to ask my Land lord if it was ever checked and if not we will get it checked before the baby is born.

There are a few other things it may have been but either way, it is sad and we will never know.

Convictions? Questions?

Lately I have been very confused about where God wants our family.
My parent's want to move to Montana and my oldest brother and his family live there, along with my youngest brother.
There is an amazing church up there. Seriously the perfect church for us.
I have felt like God is calling us there but at the same time I do not want to go, and Kendell has never been there so it's not even something that crosses his mind.

I think about 2-5 years from now when my child, or children will start needing friends and it scares me because there is absolutely no one in this town that I would want my children around. This town has nothing for us.
We are going to try out a few churches in this town, but I know nothing will compare to the church in Montana.

And even though I know that church is perfect for us and a good church is so important, I still am hesitant to "want" to go. I know God is calling us there... But I don't want to admit it to myself and my husband has no idea.

So if God is in fact leading us there, I pray he shows us as a family and we listen.