Feel like writing. Don't what to write about...

Lately things have been rough. There are issues in my marriage and issues in my life that really bother me and no matter what I do... they can't be fixed by me.

New neighbors moved in next to us today. I haven't met them yet but I think it's 2 men and that makes me uncomfortable because I am home alone all day, with a door that doesn't close or lock right, with no protection and windows that open easily.
I know I shouldn't just assume they are weirdo's, but I have always been in a way afraid of men.

I have been sexually abused. I have been used by men. And for some reason I can't get over it and instead of it making me stronger, I fear the opposite sex.
I won't be alone with a man. I won't ride in a car with any men (other than family).
Even when my best friend and her husband visit, if she leaves the room for 5 minutes I feel anxiety.

There are very few men I feel comfortable around. I want to feel comfortable around all different kinds of people. I want to feel confident and in control.

I won't discuss the issues in my marriage, but it's not getting better and I am so hurt.

We need to move in the next 10 days, but nothing NOTHING has come up for rent. I am trying so hard to trust that God has it under control but it's hard when this town has never had anything decent for rent at a good price...

We need a new car. Our car really isn't safe for my husband to drive back and forth to work, or for me, and especially not safe for a baby. But, all of the tax money we were getting we are no longer getting so a new car is nowhere in our near future unless God has a miracle. Which he does.... I know this but sometimes I just can't help being negative.

My husband is working 6 days a week again, to make some extra money for Dr. bills. Maybe it's necessary, but I know it doesn't help the things in our marriage and our marriage should come first.

Well.. Now that I am in tears, and more depressed than before.
I am ready for my emotions to calm down and be back to how they are supposed to be.