My sister used me, abused me and pushed me around my entire life. She was jealous when I was born because she didn't get all of the entention so she hated me from birth, she thought I was my mom's favorite so she treated me like dirt. When I turned 12 she pretended to be my friend so that I would lie for her and tell my parents she wasn't sneaking around with men. When I was 15 she pretended to be my friend so I would raise her kids for her. When I was 16 she disowned me until she needed me again. In January she told people many many lies about me, my husband and other people I love and I was DONE. I removed her from my life completely. I never said another word to her, never said goodbye, never said why. I just stopped. It's different because she has always disowned me and this time I took her out of my life.
And it hurts. She used me all my life and I got attached to her babies, I was her babies mommy. I feel like my kids were taken away from me. I raised them more than half their lives!
Every time I hear my nieces names or someone talks about how they saw them my heart aches, literally hurts. I stop breathing when I hear their name and it takes all of my energy not to cry.
Every time someone tells me how much they talk now or how much they have grown I feel like I am missing my babies lives. How can I deal with that? How can I make the pain stop? I can't. It will always hurt.
Why the fuck can't my sister just grow up and leave her no good piece of shit husband and give my nieces and soon to be nephew the life they deserve? Why do they have to suffer just because they have horrible parents?
I don't know if it hurts more now or when I was involved in their lives. Either way I couldn't help but at least I gave them true, unconditional love. I wish I could just steal them away and every thing be okay. But it can't. And it never will be okay. My nieces will grow up unloved, abused and hurt. And I can't stop it. I again just have to let go and let God. It's so hard. The pain is so bad. I just want to forget my sister and move on with my life but I love my nieces so much it's just so hard. My niece is turning 4 on the 23rd and I'm going to miss her birthday for the first time.
Even if she left him, she is pretty tainted at this point, and so are the kids, which means that it wouldn't matter, because the stones have been laid and the foundation set for where they will go in life. She is way too rebellious and with or without her husband, she is going to be rebellious and fight back. She won't even just stop and see what is in front of her. Same thing with my sisters honey. It sucks. Bad. You will learn to detach yourself and it won't hurt forever..I promise you that. I PROMISE. Because I lived the same thing you are, I have been there. It does stop, and it does change.
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